Ooooh the universe called me out on my own bullshit today!
But lets back up for some context.
It was late winter, I walked up Rue des Martyr in the 9th, one of those very quaint Parisian streets filled with boutiques and cafes, nestled just below the eternal Montmartre, when the rain began. I kept my eyes fixed on the grey pavement under my feet as I turned the corner heading to Mamiche with my heart racing, trying to jump out my chest. I had no idea what was on the other side of this decision but I knew with a degree of certainty that I had to quit my job. I was effectively on my way to break up with my boss (who is also a very good friend) over a croissant, as if we were just meeting for our usual end of fashion week debriefing breakfast.
Six months went by since then, and although I thought I would leap into the next thing straight away, I went deep into the void, doing barely anything. I said yes to the few opportunities that came my way, only to be comically rejected. It was becoming clear the universe had other plans for me. Whilst I was grateful for the rest, living in surrender is especially hard (when you don’t have a trust fund). But nevertheless, I “unclenched my butt cheeks” (as my best friend famously told me) and I learned to lean into this new pace of life. Truth be told it felt so good to go slow.
Fast forward, after a severe case of island fever, I took myself to England, (accidentally) for eclipse season. Now, in my humble but experienced opinion, getting out of your own bubble always initiates some kind of change, or at the very least will give you perspective. And since I closed the eclipse portal by bathing in the White Spring life has REALLY, sped up.
I got clarity on what to do next, I closed out old cycles, purged old wounds and programming, met my old boss (the same one I “dumped” in Paris) for lunch which somehow led me to dipping my toe back into the job I quit last spring, started recording a podcast, created content, posting 5 times a week, being a mom, walking the dog, packing school lunches, the endless laundry and the list goes on…
Im writing this a few days after I returned home from Paris FW. My first foray back into the world of long days, short nights, and limitless screen time, and sensory overload. Apart from exhausted there has been this under current of anxiety with a specific “I can’t take my foot off the pedal” flavor.
If you’ve ever been self employed or started your own business you understand the never ending mental to-do lists. You’re the CEO, the producer, the assistant, the accountant, the cleaner and the ideas person all at once. Theres always something to do. Old Silvy it seems was still at the steering wheel, because I very much was driving 70mph down a single file country lane in the dark.
However one day a card popped out of my (new and lovely) deck of oracle cards… it read:
“This card comes to you when you are trying to manifest your vision using other people’s means and methods instead of creating something for yourself”.
Noted, I thought. Especially because leading up to the moment I got clarity on the fact that I needed to build a personal brand, and be a weird spiritual friend to strangers on the internet (and IRL), the card that I repeatedly pulled was “Be The Leader You Never Had”.
I pulled the same card the next day. Still it didn’t click. Luckily the universe intervened because who knows how long it would have taken me to realize that this was not the pace of life I signed up for as this new evolution of myself. Queue my best friend (the same one as before, who will surely become infamous on this substack), who sent me a voice note about her own life, which was also very much meant to be heard by me - she said: “I need to keep tuning in [to my guides], I can’t keep doing this the “old way”.
I was staring down the barrel of that “Sunday but it’s about to be Monday” feeling, when I heard that message: Aaaaaaaaaaah ok, I get it now universe!
It’s tricky you know, to live life in a way that doesn’t make sense to people out there. To live a life that isn’t in accordance with the societal norms, especially when you’re building something like a brand or a business. I know many will roll their eyes because “baby girl you gotta hustle to make things happen” - but nah I didn’t go through the portal only to burn out on the other side again!
Spirit led life is intuitive, and nonsensical, but it’s more efficient because you’re doing things at the right time, not just all the time. You don’t waste your time shooting arrows hoping to hit the target but rather you strike when the target is perfectly aligned, and in view.
On Sunday when the penny dropped, I was in the thick of writing content ideas, because as a Manifesting Generator I’ve learned to ride the wave of creativity while I can, because then buzz goes dead I couldn’t come up with a single thing to talk about. So whilst I clutched to the safety blanket of my content bucket, in reality the whole point of me doing “this” was to allow spirit to tell me what it wanted me to share. And wasn’t that the whole point anyways? To do things differently, to build something not out of ego but out of purpose.
Monday morning eventually arrived, and I woke up with an anxious feeling I couldn’t shake (fueled by the Schumann resonance being on crack!). “Old ways being brought to the light so they can be worked through and released” I thought. So I ran my non negotiable errands, and took myself home, put my phone on DND and instead of powering through, I meditated for 30 minutes.
I then waited for a moment, and decided I should pick back up on substack because what better way to start something I had put on hold, than by telling you how Girl Moss got called out for trying to be a Girl Boss…
Oh and look at the card I pulled today:
Until next time
xx