So you think you have no style...

You do, you just haven't figured it out yet

It was a typical morning commute on the London Underground, except it wasn't. I was standing on the train, Piccadilly line from Holloway Road heading to Leicester Square, when I suddenly became aware of the amount of people staring at me. Impossible, nobody lifts their eyes from the paper (before smart phones), or the floor, not in London, not on the tube. “It’s in your head” I reprimanded myself. I was extremely self conscious because that morning, like almost every morning, I couldn’t figure out what to wear to work. So I took a risk.

But then I heard it: “Blimey, thats a choice!”. Panic, “fuck, they are staring at me”, and I never yearned for something like I did for the quiet anonymity that London usually affords you, but not to me today.

I need you to picture it, it was around 2007/2008 and Kate Moss was a regular on the papers for her Glastonbury outfits. You might even remember it, the glittery micro dress with long sleeves, accentuated by the low rise leather belt, paired with the muddy wellie boots and the classic fag dipping out of her hand.

Well, that morning I stood in my flat in Holloway tearing through my wardrobe unable to find a fucking thing to wear. I worked in a model agency, and I was surrounded by beautiful girls, wearing beautiful things and I just felt like a fat dumpling with no fashion sense, or money to buy any. So fed up, and running late (a recurring anxiety dream of mine to this day) I just threw on a very long blue tie dye t-shirt a pair of (ugly) grey boots and headed out.

The gamble had not paid off, the t-shirt was probably not covering more than a few centimetres below my butt cheeks, and let’s not even get into the grey studded boots I decided to pair it with. A horror show of an outfit that basically screamed LOOK AT ME.

I practically ran from the tube exit to the agency and burst through the doors, luckily before anyone else, and cried at my desk because what the hell was I going to do for the rest of the day? I literally looked ridiculous. The micro dress is a fairly niche item that only a very tall and thin individual could pull off, and I was neither. I was in fact the opposite.

James, my colleague, was first in the door and heard me sobbing in the office kitchen but I couldn’t bring myself to open the door and show him why.

“James its really bad, I don’t know what to do” I blurted out. Of course this must have seemed to him like a teenager exaggerating (I was just 19), because how bad could an outfit be? But I slowly creaked the door open and bless him because I remember his face as he tried so very hard to hide the laughter that was desperately trying to burst through.

He pushed me to the fashion closet and like Nigel with Andrea, and started throwing things around. Of course it was slim pickings for a size 12/14, until he found an oversized Rag & Bone t-shirt and by some miracle a pair of jeans I could just about squeeze myself into. It wasn’t great but it was a damn sight better than my attempt at dressing like Kate Moss sauntering between the healing fields and the pyramid stage.

So by now I’m sure you’re wondering why do I believe telling you this story gives me any credibility in talking about style. But before I carry on, I want to clarify that we’re not talking about building a capsule wardrobe (yuck), we’re talking about being able to get so clear on who you are that you can throw anything on and feel like yourself.

The thing is that it didn’t come naturally to me, I really had to study it, and dig and figure it out, and try on horrible combinations (as per previous example) in order to understand what did work, and most importantly what I liked. I felt very confused about what I wanted to express because honestly growing up in a larger body, there wasnt much choice. So the question for me was never so much, “Who am I and how do I express this”, it was more about “What can I find that fits me”.

Because I didn’t have the luxury of a small sized body, where everything hangs the right way and looks naturally good, getting dressed was a lot more complicated for me. There wasnt much experimenting to be done. But the points of friction in life are often times lead us to creating a pearl.

So the answer to the question of “How do I work out what my style is”, I believe is two pronged:

1. What suits my body shape/ what do I feel comfortable wearing?

2. How can I use those parameters to express who I am?

The beautiful thing is that the first question seems like it’s asking you to adhere to a specific set of “rules” but only you know what suits you and once you know what you’re trying to express, all those ideas don’t matter as much. Think of it like needing to master the rules before they can be broken.

However, it’s not enough to just find out what shapes, lengths, and colours work for you, you need to also put a finger on who you are and what you’re trying to say. As within, so without.

Thats the gap between you seeing somebody wearing a simple / basic outfit, and replicating it without it landing the same way. If fashion is self expression, then who are you, and how are you going to tell the world with your clothes?

That requires self knowledge and self assurance.

Clothes are not that important in the grand scheme of life, but everybody gets dressed, and for better or worse we use them to communicate something to one another. Thats why you would never be caught dead in certain things. When we meet somebody we immediately get a read on who is in front of us by their appearance, which is why we agonise over what to wear at a job interview, or a date. We know in some ways it does matter.

The journey to finding your style is not one of consumerism, even though it’s really being sold to us as that.

On that road you’re going to spend a lot of time and money buying things that look good a few times, only to end up at the back of your wardrobe or in landfill. Following influencers won’t help you either because regardless of how stylish they might be, copying other people outfits and style does not give you a sense of your own. It doesn’t help you or empower you to express yourself.

I previously wrote about my growing up in Italy and absorbing all the classic shapes, rules, colour combos, and tailoring notes from watching Italian women and old ladies but I had to reconcile it with what was true to me. The 90’s the era I grew up in, and the comfort that grunge afforded me by allowing me to hide my bigger shape.

Now Im always trying to find new and interesting ways to wear something beautiful or classic but in a disruptive / interesting way that isn’t quite “right”. Thats my thing, but I really want you to find yours.

Your journey could be entirely different, your quirks, your body shape, and your insecurities, are the sum total that lead you to wearing something that only you can pull off.

I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that if you’re interested in this conversation, you absolutely have a sense of style. Even if it’s not showing on the outside yet. I don’t believe we come to be interested in the things we are by chance, if there’s a desire, if there’s curiosity then it's because there’s part of your essence in that thing.

So ask yourself, what are the things that I like about certain outfits, what are the practicalities of my life, who do I want people to see when look at me. If you keep following the breadcrumb trail it will inevitably lead you to understanding what you’re attracted to, and more importantly why. And then the fun part begins… trying things on!